See da Movie HERE

I go to Gym 3 times a week, doesn’t really help , somehow it makes my appetide increased too, so when I m hungry I was like a hungry ghost.

guess I will have to eat more cucumber’s’, as a replacement for my normal meals, i believe it will help.

God please give me powers to fight it !

Back here to write about my fat.

Back to my sweat-shop visits.

I had been slacking with my SS visit for the last month. I am now back for a week and half regularly. It makes me feel good about myself. Isn’t that sorta fucked up?

I’m back to my normal self again emotionally. Thank goodness.

Anyway, back to my fat.

Today, 177 lbs. 17.6% body fat.

As you can see. Weight wise, I’m not really dropping much. But at least my body fat is reducing.

Yes, fuck fat.

Now that I’m doing better emotionally, my weight is going the other way.

This morning I was 179 lbs on the scale, with 18.3% body fat.

I knew this is going to come. I’m not surprised. But it is kinda a damper.

Still going to the gym quite regularly. I am increasing my target heart rate on my cardio to 170. I started with 150, six months ago. And I’ve been doing 40 minutes for the last couple of visits.

I also tried a new back/shoulder machine, boy, that really worked my back hard. I’m still feeling it today.

I don’t want to talk about my exercise, my weight, too much on Ongline. I used to talk to someone about all these. But it’s getting old. He’s busy. I’m currently back to Fat Track Blog to vent. At least I know the blog won’t be tired of my shit.

And so, yes, I’m feeling fat. My warped (I hope it is warped) vision just sees thick layer of fat under my skin. All over my body. Ugh!

The familiar tune, fuck fat.

This morning, weighing myself, naked of course, I was 175.4 lbs and 18% body fat.

I guess I can still qualify to be 175 if you round it up.

Kudos! Self. And those who supported me all the way.

Note: Still doing my exercise regularly. 2 or 3 times a week.

After (left) : June 2007
Before (right) : Jan 2006

I M STILL FAT !

Also, I learned that Body Mass Index and Body Fat are two separate things, and the scale I have at home gives me body fat. As of last weighing (yesterday) I was 178.8 pounds and 18.1%. Of course it goes up and down.

Random fat entry. I still think I’m fatter than I really am, I think. Sometimes it takes a different set of eyes to tell you the truth. I still think my body is gross. Which is kinda sad. But I’m working on it. Luckily I only have to show my hubby. :p

(Left - September 2006. Right - March 2007)

I have been doing a lot more work since my last post. Of course, about my fat.

Today, stand big at 181 lbs. 19.4% (BMI), I am finally feeling like I have made some progress. I definitely worked on it. It didn’t come free. I used to think that I’d just miraculously be fit. But it doesn’t work that way. Funny it took 32 years for me to get it.

No matter where you are in this process of tracking your fat, just know that no matter how much I complained before, how much I felt like I was not making any progress, just keep that weak spark of hope going. I am slowly starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Get a friend. Get a few friends. Get a blog. Get someone who understands you, your struggles, and let someone besides you help you through this process. Just go back and see how bitter I was. How down I was. You may find a bit of hope in my human weakness.

I know I will probably have to rely on my this exact post to pick me up again in a few weeks or months ahead.

I have finally decided that my focus is going to be smaller, smaller than my fat, just focusing on my exercise as a routine in my life, and hopefully for the rest of my life. Small steps, big hope.

I went to the gym 4 times and swam 3 times during my twenty-day stay in Penang. Not as many times as I would like. But I went.

My biggest fear was falling off the track, and lost the momentum that I started in January in visiting the gym three times a week.

Some of you may know, I fell into a depression pit when I came back from Malaysia. I don’t know exactly why or how. I know it’s related to the trip, travel, tiredness, and routine change. But it wasn’t pretty. The only good thing is, I went back to the gym the day I got back from the airport. I’m consistent with my three-day visit.

Well, I mostly write here when I’m bumped. I am disappointed, felt like a loser, see no results, but fortunately, I am not giving up yet. I know how bad it could have been if I am not exercising. I am really dieting as well. That’s probably my problem. I am not bingeing, I’m not overeating, but I am not restricting my diet either. I guess that’s why it’s taking longer to see any result.

As of today, I am 187 lbs. Yes, I have put on 2 lbs from the trip. Or from exercising. I don’t know. My scale has a body mass index number. That is going down (20.4 today. It’s about 5 points less than the counter). A kind soul told me that that’s normal for exercising. But I’m beginning to question that. I want to see more results.

I know this is not a competition, but seeing everyone else losing way way more than I, is quite discouraging. I guess when you are losing, it feels more like a competition. Where is my result?

Last night’s workout felt really good. But today’s results aren’t. Fuck fat!

(Could still be my leftover depression writing.)