I’m back again.

Back here to write about my fat.

Back to my sweat-shop visits.

I had been slacking with my SS visit for the last month. I am now back for a week and half regularly. It makes me feel good about myself. Isn’t that sorta fucked up?

I’m back to my normal self again emotionally. Thank goodness.

Anyway, back to my fat.

Today, 177 lbs. 17.6% body fat.

As you can see. Weight wise, I’m not really dropping much. But at least my body fat is reducing.

Yes, fuck fat.

So, I’ve been enjoying the uphill ride in my weight loss, while I was having a downhill ride emotionally. How ironic.

Now that I’m doing better emotionally, my weight is going the other way.

This morning I was 179 lbs on the scale, with 18.3% body fat.

I knew this is going to come. I’m not surprised. But it is kinda a damper.

Still going to the gym quite regularly. I am increasing my target heart rate on my cardio to 170. I started with 150, six months ago. And I’ve been doing 40 minutes for the last couple of visits.

I also tried a new back/shoulder machine, boy, that really worked my back hard. I’m still feeling it today.

I don’t want to talk about my exercise, my weight, too much on Ongline. I used to talk to someone about all these. But it’s getting old. He’s busy. I’m currently back to Fat Track Blog to vent. At least I know the blog won’t be tired of my shit.

And so, yes, I’m feeling fat. My warped (I hope it is warped) vision just sees thick layer of fat under my skin. All over my body. Ugh!

The familiar tune, fuck fat.

Two weeks ago, amidst all my personal emotional struggles, I achieved my initial goal weight of 175 lbs. I was too consumed by my emotional struggles to talk much about my own achievement. I do have a pattern of brush off the positive to dwell on the negative. I’m learning to change that.

This morning, weighing myself, naked of course, I was 175.4 lbs and 18% body fat.

I guess I can still qualify to be 175 if you round it up.

Kudos! Self. And those who supported me all the way.

Note: Still doing my exercise regularly. 2 or 3 times a week.

Hey, where’s everyone?
I’m back to talking about my fat.
I have done a pretty good job. If I may say so myself. I have been doing my 3-day-per-week sweat shop visits since January. I have quite a ways to go. But it’s nice that people are commenting, or at least, asking me if I have lost weight.
While posting some pictures of myself as of late on Flickr and my blog, I thought it’d be interesting to pull up pictures from last year, around September. I was at my peak of 196 pounds.

Also, I learned that Body Mass Index and Body Fat are two separate things, and the scale I have at home gives me body fat. As of last weighing (yesterday) I was 178.8 pounds and 18.1%. Of course it goes up and down.

Random fat entry. I still think I’m fatter than I really am, I think. Sometimes it takes a different set of eyes to tell you the truth. I still think my body is gross. Which is kinda sad. But I’m working on it. Luckily I only have to show my hubby. :p

(Left - September 2006. Right - March 2007)

Right. I usually come here to complain, bitch, vent, and rant. Of course, about my fat.

I have been doing a lot more work since my last post. Of course, about my fat.

Today, stand big at 181 lbs. 19.4% (BMI), I am finally feeling like I have made some progress. I definitely worked on it. It didn’t come free. I used to think that I’d just miraculously be fit. But it doesn’t work that way. Funny it took 32 years for me to get it.

No matter where you are in this process of tracking your fat, just know that no matter how much I complained before, how much I felt like I was not making any progress, just keep that weak spark of hope going. I am slowly starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Get a friend. Get a few friends. Get a blog. Get someone who understands you, your struggles, and let someone besides you help you through this process. Just go back and see how bitter I was. How down I was. You may find a bit of hope in my human weakness.

I know I will probably have to rely on my this exact post to pick me up again in a few weeks or months ahead.

I have finally decided that my focus is going to be smaller, smaller than my fat, just focusing on my exercise as a routine in my life, and hopefully for the rest of my life. Small steps, big hope.

So, I ate. Lots. How could you not on your vacation. Especially visiting my home country. This is where real comfort food is.

I went to the gym 4 times and swam 3 times during my twenty-day stay in Penang. Not as many times as I would like. But I went.

My biggest fear was falling off the track, and lost the momentum that I started in January in visiting the gym three times a week.

Some of you may know, I fell into a depression pit when I came back from Malaysia. I don’t know exactly why or how. I know it’s related to the trip, travel, tiredness, and routine change. But it wasn’t pretty. The only good thing is, I went back to the gym the day I got back from the airport. I’m consistent with my three-day visit.

Well, I mostly write here when I’m bumped. I am disappointed, felt like a loser, see no results, but fortunately, I am not giving up yet. I know how bad it could have been if I am not exercising. I am really dieting as well. That’s probably my problem. I am not bingeing, I’m not overeating, but I am not restricting my diet either. I guess that’s why it’s taking longer to see any result.

As of today, I am 187 lbs. Yes, I have put on 2 lbs from the trip. Or from exercising. I don’t know. My scale has a body mass index number. That is going down (20.4 today. It’s about 5 points less than the counter). A kind soul told me that that’s normal for exercising. But I’m beginning to question that. I want to see more results.

I know this is not a competition, but seeing everyone else losing way way more than I, is quite discouraging. I guess when you are losing, it feels more like a competition. Where is my result?

Last night’s workout felt really good. But today’s results aren’t. Fuck fat!

(Could still be my leftover depression writing.)

I haven’t spoken much about my … sweat shop activities.
Not on my shows. Not to many people.
I am afraid to fail, and if I talk about it too much, espcially on my show, and if I do fail, it would be failure x500.
Yes, I have started exercising on January 11th. Since that day, I have been going to the sweat shop three times a week. It was easy at first. I was even getting up at 5:30am to go the SS (sweat shop = gym). Then I have been going with Bruce at night. There were some very rough nights where I just didn’t feel like going. But I went anyway.

I have to say, even I’m a bit proud of myself.

But the challenge now really begins. As of this post, I am leaving the United States to visit my home country Malaysia for three weeks. It’s a vacation. Will I continue with my exercise? If not, will I have to start all over again when I come back at the end of February?

I hope to continue my three-times-a-week exercise even in Malaysia. We’ll see.

Since my parents’ visit, and my Gastric-My-Ass-Surgery effect, I have been eating less, and more sensibly. I stop before I get too full. That’s probably right around the end of October. Plus the exercise, I have lost a total of 11 lbs. I am now 185 lbs. I only hope that I won’t be back to the 190’s after my vacation. Let’s face it, I’m going to eat!

This morning, I pulled out the clothes that I bought from Malaysia at the end of 2004. Four months ago, I couldn’t wear any of them. Pants were too tight, and shirts were too snug. This morning, everything fits. Not completely comfortably. But I know I’m getting there. I hope I’ll keep it up too.

That’s it folks. I’ll report back either in Malaysia or after my trip. Stay healthy!

You know, the worse thing about a weight loss program, or lifestyle is to fail.
I’m not setting up the goal so high that I am constantly being slapped back by failures. This time I’m taking it slowly.

As far as weight. The last time I stepped on the scaled, I was 186.6lbs. Which technically means I have lost 9.4 lbs. All by eating less. I still eat everything I want. Just not as much. I started because I was feeling sick if I eat too much (that’s my Gastrick My Ass surgery symptoms). I am continuing my eating habit. Seems like it’s working.

Vincent, you are lighter than me! But you do look wonderful. Weight sometimes plateau. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s more so if you are exercising.

And that let me into the next stage of my lifestyle change. Exercise has never been a routine in my life. I did it for one purpose, to lose weight. I did that when I was in college. I had to be in a better shape for an audition. I did very well. But when I found a job, completey away from stage performance, I just let exercise go.

As I’m venturing into my fourth year of my thirties, exercise is becoming more and more a health motivated one. Yes, I’m still vein. I still want to be toned an lean. While that’s more appealing sometimes, but without health, I guess I can’t really enjoy the compliments.
This week, I am hoping to step into a place that I have never stepped foot into in my whole life. The G-Y-M. I guess it’s getting easier and easier to say it. It’s just never been in my vocabulary. I said the word twice this weekend to Bruce. Not as hard as it used to. But for now, I’m still call in SS. Short for Sweat Shop.

This is the only place I’m talking publicly (well, as public as those who read this, probably just us fatties). I’m not going to talk about it much on my show even. I don’t want to talk too much about it. We all know what happened to my “From Fat to Fab” venture last year. Basically in less than three weeks. I gave up.

We’ll see what happens this time. Thanks for sharing all your fatty power here. It really feels like a community.

Andy, I think you’re off to a wonderful start. Keep it up.

ZillaFag is just a whore…that I like.

Hey nice to have you Zillafat. :p

I am feeling thin. Even looked thin. But I know it’s not reality because I still couldn’t fit into my regular jeans. I’m in my fat set.

I weighed again today, 189 lbs. I’m quite happy with the progress I’m making. I haven’t started sweatshop yet. I will. I hope. My workssssss are keeping me busy and I really can’t find any physical time. Well, I guess I can. Still working on it.

I’ve been eating a bit more sensibly since my parents’ visit. I am trying to keep up since the left.

Going to the sweatshop is hard. Not just the physical working out, but the whole culture. I have no idea what’s in there. I don’t enjoy much of the “show-your-fat-and-dong” in the shower idea. I may enjoy looking at others, :D, but I don’t enjoy being the subject. I’m sure no one cares. But I do. :p

I guess 7 lbs is progress. The last time I lost this much, I gained it all back!

Perhaps. Thinking about it. I hope.